


A Thousand Lights of Sun

by Azalea_Scroggs, kyber-erso (aoraki)



Series: Cal and Luke rebuild the Jedi Order AU [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: (just a smidge but it's there), Bleeding Kyber Crystals, Disciples of the Force, Fanart, Force Visions, Gen, Jedi Culture, Jedi June, Kyber Crystals, Suicidal Thoughts, The Force, glowstick batteries acting as spiritual guides, this is seriously just a bunch of fake-spiritual and ambiance stuff, with stunning artwork!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:26:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26715973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azalea_Scroggs/pseuds/Azalea_Scroggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoraki/pseuds/kyber-erso
Summary: A few weeks after they met, Cal and Luke are called to perform some diplomatic work on Jedha as Jedi Knights. But after the ravages wrought by the Death Star, it's with the Force itself something is wrong. The two of them will have to work together and face their deepest vulnerabilities in order to prevail...
Relationships: Cal Kestis & Luke Skywalker
Series: Cal and Luke rebuild the Jedi Order AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944307
Comments: 24
Kudos: 101





	1. Compassion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is a sequel to [_Tainted Light_](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774789) originally intended to be made for Jedi June. I wrote it and [kyber_erso](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyber_erso) drew the magnificent art! She has a [tumblr](https://kyber-erso.tumblr.com/) and you should really go see it.  
> (Mine is [here](https://azalea-scroggs.tumblr.com), but all my fic is on AO3, too)
> 
> Obviously I'm a _wee bit_ late for the actual Jedi June event (although kyber-erso wasn't), but I still tried to stick to the prompts! There were eight of them, two per week-end of June. Each is a chapter in the fic (which is all done, so I'm not going to pull a Black Squadron on you and stop updating).
> 
> Many thanks to [ThreadSketchier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThreadSketchier) for beta-reading this and helping me find the title! It's a line from [this poem](https://threadsketchier.tumblr.com/post/187654269140/as-i-grew-older).
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Azalea

Breathe in, out.

_There is no emotion, there is peace._

In, out.

_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._

_There is no passion, there is –_

Cal sighed and shifted on the ground. Keeping his eyes tightly closed, he caught himself and sat straighter, putting his hands back on his thighs before making one more attempt to sink into the Force.

In, out.

_There is no passion, there is serenity._

_There is no chaos, there is –_

"Cal."

He jumped and nearly fell from where he was kneeling, eliciting electronic protests from Beedee, then opened his eyes to look at a weary Cere seated next to him in a similar position.

"Stop it. You're only going to get more frustrated."

Cal let out one more sigh, then stood up with a groan. He had been remiss in his practice of meditation during the war... or maybe it was just the years piling up, he wasn't sure. There were ants in his legs after – thirteen minutes of the exercise, he realised with despair when he checked his chrono. It had felt much longer... In the Jedi Temple, he remembered sessions that could last up to an hour and still feel like only a minute had passed.

But Cere was right, however much he hated it. It was no use to keep going as long as he was in this mindset. His thoughts were going everywhere, turning and buzzing without rest, no matter how still he kept or how much he tried to let go. He could only sink himself in the Force superficially, far from the depth he used to reach when he was still a youngling or a Padawan...

"Something is bothering you."

If Cal hadn't known Cere had cut herself off from the Force, he would never have noticed it, with the way her eyes seemed to pierce through him to see his innermost thoughts. Now that she was trying to reconnect herself to it, he couldn't hope to hide anything from her. He ran a hand through his hair.

"The Force is still... off," he confessed. "I healed my connection to it years ago, you know it, when we were running after Master Cordova's holocron. But I don't know if I fixed all of it. It still feels... not right."

Cere put a hand on his shoulder.

"It will come. These things take time."

"I know," Cal replied. "And practice. But even practice feels forced lately, and difficult, and – and –"

Beedee bleeped an inquiry, jumping on his back like he always did, the weight familiar and comforting. Cal smiled and set his hair aside, out of the way, to allow him not to get tangled into it. He'd let it grow during the war to make recognition less likely, and had never cut it back to its first length since then. It wasn't very practical, and perhaps a bit vain, but he liked it like this.

"It's just... not the way it used to be," he ended up confessing, looking down.

He then tentatively crossed Cere's eyes. She was smiling, gently, her eyes full of understanding – but also of amusement.

"Jedi Master Cal Kestis," she said. "In some ways, you are still an impatient youngling."

Cal grimaced, but Cere squeezed his shoulder.

"As all of us are," she hurried to continue. "Cal, it's only natural to look to the past in fondness. But you must not allow it to become your goal, for it will always remain unattainable."

"It just feels – if I'd trained harder – if I'd kept my discipline –"

"You've stayed true to the path – you've come back to it, and that is already incredible!" Cere answered. "We were at war. Doing what we do was dangerous. Don't blame yourself for surviving."

Cal nodded, feeling somewhat comforted.

"I know... I just wish I could find the easy connection I had, back then. I can't even reach the level I had as a Padawan. What a Master I'm being."

He couldn't help a gesture of spite, sitting himself on the ground once more.

"Don't be so harsh on yourself," Cere murmured. "Things change. They're in constant movement. You don't have the connection your Padawan self had because you are no longer that person. You need to find a new connection, not reforge the one you had."

Cal looked up at her, then down again, and nodded.

Cere knelt down next to him.

"Do you remember," she asked him, "what the first quality of a Jedi is?"

"Compassion," Cal replied. Of course he knew this. He hadn't forgotten everything. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Yes, compassion. But not only for others. For yourself, too." She smiled. "Don't beat yourself up over circumstances you were powerless about. Remember, the only path is forward. All progress, even tiny, is good progress."

At last, Cal answered her smile. He took her hand and allowed her to lift him up to his feet again.

On his back, Beedee trilled.

"Thanks, buddy," Cal replied, huffing with a smile and scratching his head.

For once though, Beedee didn't lean into the caress. He jumped off Cal's back and ran towards the comm station, nudging it with his head.

Cal came closer. There was indeed a message... taken in his meditation, or rather his pitiful attempts at it, he hadn't noticed it.

It was Luke. Curious, Cal stared at the tiny blue hologram vaguely talking about a diplomatic mission and requesting his help, and asked him to call him back as soon as he could.

Cal bit his lower lip, torn. He'd trained with Luke a few times already; the younger Jedi was charming and enthusiastic, sometimes even a bit too much, his mind quicker than the snubfighters he was so fond of flying, so much Cal had trouble keeping up sometimes. When he was with him, Cal was never afraid to show his training, much to the contrary. The friendly competition between them was always motivating.

But going out on a mission, going into the world as a Jedi again... that was another thing entirely.

"He only called a few minutes ago, he'll probably answer if you call him back," Cere said.

"I don't know if I should. He usually has these things well in hand himself," Cal answered, keeping his tone light-hearted.

Cere sent him a stern look.

"Call him back," she all but ordered him. "He's the one asking for your help."

Cal nodded. He pressed the button, waited as the dialling tune made itself heard.

As Cere had expected, Luke's lean figure soon appeared in the hologram.

"Cal! Thanks for calling me back so quickly," he beamed. "Oh, and Cere and Beedee, hi! Nice to see you, too."

Cal smiled back. Luke's energy was always infectious.

"It seemed urgent. You said you needed me for a job?"

"Yeah, Leia called me this morning. Do you know anything about Jedha?"

Call frowned. The name was familiar, but not overly so... He couldn't help but notice the way Cere's mood grew sombre, though.

"It was once a sacred place," she said. "Somewhere Jedi and practitioners of other faiths alike came in pilgrimage to find harmony with the Force. But the Empire destroyed it, like so many other worlds. The Death Star reduced the Holy City to ashes."

Beedee made a mournful bleep. Despairing anger grew in Cal again. Was there a single beautiful thing in the galaxy the Empire hadn't tainted?

Luke nodded, solemn.

"The Republic reached out to them a few times to offer help and resources, but they always refused. There are refugees camps in the desert just outside of what used to be Jedha City. People live there in miserable conditions, but in the years since the destruction, they haven't attempted to rebuild at all. They're saying it's useless, that any efforts would be in vain, but they're not giving any other explanation."

"So the princess wants us to go and convince them?" Cal hazarded a guess. That definitely sounded like the diplomatic missions they used to perform before the fall of the Republic. A thrill of excitement ran through him.

"Not quite," Luke replied. "She asked me to go as myself, not as any official envoy, to try and see what's going on. Apparently they're deeply spiritual people, consciousness and worship of the Force is very present there. She thinks they're more likely to open up to Jedi than to any ambassadors.”

Cal nodded. That made sense.

Luke ducked his head to the side, as he tended to do when he felt awkward.

"So, uh... would you accompany me? I know so little about the Force yet, I'm afraid I'm going to be far out of my depth. I'd feel much better if you were with me, and I wasn't the only Jedi representative there. Cere, you'd be a great help too."

"Thank you, Luke," Cere answered. "But I don't feel secure in my connection to the Force. I am still struggling with the dark side. Going somewhere so deeply infused with the Force... I'm afraid it might be too much for me, still. It will have to be only you and Cal for this one."

Cal thought for a moment. He wanted to tell Luke he was sure he'd do a great job. Despite how little training he had, the younger Jedi's connection to the Force was incredible, his intuition unparalleled. But he had a feeling that wasn't what Luke needed to hear.

A Jedi's first duty was to help those in need. And Luke had asked. Whatever little trust Cal had in his own abilities were irrelevant.

It was time to stop letting himself be ruled by fear, and reconnect with his purpose again.

"Sure," he said with a grin, Beedee cheering on his back. "When are you due to leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Source of this chapter's pictures](https://kyber-erso.tumblr.com/post/620234854210076673/post-rotj-au-cal-and-cere-meditate-on-the)


	2. Lightsabre

The journey was uneventful, and they arrived on Jedha less than a week later. No air control hailed them as they entered atmosphere, no static-filled communication asked them for their business, the airspace barren and empty around them. There was only eerie silence, and some white substance sticking to their ship.

“Snow,” Luke whispered, just as Cal settled on the same conclusion after wondering, unsettled, whether it was ash instead. “I didn't realise Jedha's climate was so cold.”

Cal didn't answer. Neither had he, even though he'd made research and interrogated Cere about the place. The holos of the Holy City had made him incredibly sad; all that beauty, all that heritage, all that life destroyed... In a way, it had made him think of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, as well as the kyber caves on Ilum. More of that revolt had overwhelmed him at the thought of the destruction wrought by the Empire. He wasn't looking forward to being confronted to it – _once more,_ a part of him whispered.

Even gone, the Empire inflicted suffering.

But that was why they were here, he mused, glancing at Luke next to him. To rebuild what they destroyed.

It felt good, if he was honest with himself. It felt good to do something again, to turn around and face what he had fled from for so long. It was like he was reconnecting with himself. He felt stronger, more in harmony with the Force than he'd been in a long time. The Empire's power, which had terrified him for so long, seemed less overwhelming.

They landed in the desert, in a vast plain of frozen nothingness. All around them, the only thing they saw were red and arid rocks covered in a thin coat of snow. Next to Cal, Luke shivered and brought his cloak closer to him while Beedee made a plaintive beep.

Years on the run, more often in space than not, had taught Cal to withstand the cold, but he too felt the rough bite of the air on his face. It reminded him a little of Ilum, and not for the weather alone, he supposed. Both had been sacred places before being destroyed by the Empire...

Cal took a deep breath before bitterness took a hold of him again. That was in the past. Focus in the present; help the people still living here rebuild after the devastation.

They walked for a long time, following the Force and guided only by it. The survivors of Jedha must have possessed some kind of long-range communication for Leia to have been able to make contact with them, but they hadn't been able to pinpoint them precisely. Heat detectors had found several camping sites scattered in various caves or against the sheltered sides of high mesas, but they were numerous. They couldn't hope to visit everybody, and they didn't know where the leaders of the planet, if leaders there were, or in any case the people Leia reached were. So they walked across the rocks and through the snow, hoping the Force would lead them where they needed to be.

The Force, however, felt strange in this place. It didn't answer to Cal as it used to, and he wondered vaguely if his failed attempts at meditations weren't for something in it; but he was pretty sure there was more to it. The Force felt muted, absent, far from the buzzing Cal had grown used to on Coruscant; it was as silent as the snow falling around them, giving the desert a desolate and eerie appearance.

But then, this _was_ a desert. Cal supposed it was to be expected that the Force be less vibrant here.

Shivering, their fingers and toes barely feeling anything despite the broad cloaks kept tightly around their bodies, they stopped at one of the caves at the foot of the rock formations. It was a bit deeper than most, but they could see a fire in the back of it, indicating some kind of air evacuation.

Cal and Luke entered and took their hoods off, shaking the snow off them, relieved to reach a drier place at last. They hovered at the entrance of the cave for a while, but no movement was made to welcome them or even question them. Beedee jumped down and started running towards the light, sending Cal an inquisitive glance when he didn't immediately move. Cal exchanged a silent glance with Luke, then followed him; when he was close enough to his taste, Beedee jumped on his back again, as was his habit.

As they came closer, it became apparent they were intruding on some kind of gathering or ceremony. People were sitting around the fire, elders and middle-aged people and children embraced in parents' arms; their faces seemed tanned and tired, or at least that was what the two Jedi perceived among the dancing shadows that hid as much as they lighted.

Most people were silent. The only one speaking was an older woman who stood a little to the side, but was somehow better lighted by the fire than the people sitting. She was making gracious gestures with her wrinkled hands, robes flowing around her arms as she talked. Although Cal didn't recognise the language, it stirred something inside his soul, some deep and long-forgotten emotions. One look exchanged with Luke taught him the younger man felt the same. They stayed a little to the side, in the shadows, far enough not to disturb whatever was happening yet close enough to be seen in case the locals wished to drive them away.

Nobody troubled the woman's story. The fire itself seemed to respond to her tale, spiking and crackling in sync with the inflections of her voice. Somehow, the fact that they couldn't understand the words made the sight even more entrancing. Cal found himself staring.

They didn't know how long it had been when the woman stopped at last with a final gesture towards the sky. Cal blinked, disoriented as if he'd just woken up from a dream, even though he hadn't slept. He did his best to regain his bearings as she came towards them.

“Welcome, strangers.” Her voice sounded different in Basic, a bit rougher, and more muted. Beedee bleeped at her, his head tilted, and she smiled at him. “I am Gael Bey'Serth. We rarely get visitors here. Do you come from abroad?”

“Yes, ma'am.” Luke bowed, and so did Cal, following his lead. Luke was the one who was actually sent here, after all. “My name is Luke Skywalker, and my companion is Cal Kestis. We heard that Jedha declined several of the Republic's offers for help concerning reconstruction and compensation, and we come, not in any official capacity, but simply to offer our assistance in any way we can.”

The woman squinted at them for a few seconds, then her lips widened in a cracked, joyless smile.

“Yes. I remember these offers. You are a persistent bunch, aren't you?”

Luke winced at that.

“We aren't here in any official capacity,” he replied, but it was weak. “We just want to help.”

She huffed, clearly not believing a word they said; in her place, Cal wouldn't have believed it either.

“You are welcome to share our fire and food tonight. You have come a long way from Coruscant. But do not expect us to change our minds. This land, once blessed and beautiful, is now cursed. Deep evil runs within it. It would be useless to rebuild.”

Luke frowned.

“Yes, we heard something to that effect, but I am not sure I understand. Cursed? How so? What kind of evil are you talking about?”

Bey'Serth didn't answer him. She merely looked at him with a piercing gaze, her pale eyes mirroring his own in a way Cal found somewhat unsettling. Luke seemed to shrink under the power of it, visibly seconds away from fiddling with his hands. It was strange to see, for Cal was used to him keeping perfect composure at all times. Suddenly the thought came to him that Luke used to be a farmer; he could see that in him now, in the candid awkwardness he exhibited.

Barely a few seconds later, she smiled again, warm as she had ever been; but it was clear she was closing the subject.

“Come. You must be cold, and hungry.”

They followed her to the centre of the cave, where she introduced them in Basic. The people were curious, but polite; they gave the impression, overall, of being relatively friendly, even for the intruders that they were. Both Jedi sat down among them; they answered some questions about where they came from, asked a few of their own.

“It is not how it once was, but it is our land,” a man told Cal when he asked how long they had lived in these caves. His Basic was perfect, as was everybody else's; Cal deduced the strange language they'd seen Bey'Serth use must have been some ceremonial ancient tongue. “We adapted, as all life tends to do, but it's not the same. Many of our children have left already; my daughter speaks of nothing else. I don't blame them.”

A girl not far away from them turned her head towards the conversation, probably hearing they were talking about her; she smiled at them, and they smiled back.

“How old is she?” asked Cal.

“Thirteen. She's very bright. There's nothing for her here,” the father answered.

“At that age all children dream of leaving,” Luke murmured. “She may yet change her mind. She won't realise how important this is for her until she no longer has it.”

The subdued tone told Cal Luke was speaking of experience, and that it was still a very sore wound for him. He himself could relate all too well; he had been thirteen too, when his whole life had been tugged from under his feet...

But the man shook his head.

“I wouldn't expect you to understand. This land is dead, and when we die with it, there will be nothing left.”

Cal frowned, exchanged a look with Luke. This was growing more and more mysterious, but there was indeed nothing they could do if the locals refused to explain. He probed the Force, but it was silent.

Bey'Serth, whom Cal was suspecting of being these people's leader, was coming back towards them with two fuming bowls of some kind of stew. Cal hastened to rise to take them from her, thanking her profusely, then he handed one to Luke and sat down again, starting to eat.

“Is that a lightsabre?” a small voice called out.

Cal froze. Years and years on the run sprung to the forefront of his mind as he remembered with a dash of panic that he hadn't hidden it as he used to do... What were they going to say? What were they going to do? His whole body tensed, ready to grab the weapon and run for his life as the smallest sign of hostility –

“Yes,” Luke smiled at the girl, the same that they were talking about just minutes earlier, the daughter of the man they had spoken to. “We are Jedi Knights.”

Beedee softly trilled into Cal's ear, bringing him back fully into reality. Right. There was no danger. The Empire was gone...

He huffed disparagingly. What a pair of Jedi they were, indeed. One who had barely learnt anything, the other who didn't even dare live up to what he had learnt, the both of them so badly trained...

But he stopped these thoughts in their tracks. The path was so, so very long. It was the progress that counted, he reminded himself.

The girl's eyes lighted up. “For real?!”

“Yes,” Luke laughed.

“I thought the Jedi were all gone!”

Her face and voice were full of such excitement it warmed Cal's heart. He was used to people being afraid of the Jedi, relieved of their demise even. This was a refreshing and comforting reaction, so far from most he'd encountered.

“Most of them are,” Cal replied, doing his best not to let anger and grief creep into his tone. “But we're not.”

“So you can use the Force?” the girl asked, her gaze jumping between the two of them. “I heard it was a Jedi that killed the Emperor and Darth Vader and who destroyed the Empire once and for all.”

A shadow fell on Luke's face, surprising Cal.

“Yes. I did,” he said, quietly, solemnly. Cal was even more startled to hear a note of dissonance in the Force, for he knew that was the truth.

The girl opened a mouth so wide it was nearly comical. Cal couldn't help his smile.

“May I see?” a quiet voice came next to them, and they turned back towards Bey'Serth again.

“Your lightsabres,” she specified upon seeing the confusion in their eyes. “It has been a long, long time...”

Luke readily unclipped it from his belt and handed it to her; Cal felt a little more reluctant, but he followed his lead anyway, not without a discreet, encouraging bleep from Beedee. She took them reverently, with awe and wonder written all on her face. She held one in each hand and looked at them carefully, her thumb tracing a pattern on Luke's.

“Such a long time since weapons like these have been a sign of hope, rather than death and destruction...”

There was a long, deep silence. The atmosphere had shifted: where a few minutes ago they had been but guests, strangers that were welcomed but ultimately humoured, now they were included and looked at with newfound respect. Cal wasn't sure how to take it; he threw a glance at Luke, whose attention was still focused on Bey'Serth.

Of course, Luke was used to hero-worship; between being the destroyer of the Death Star and the killer of both Vader and the Emperor... He was used to being seen as a Jedi, for unlike Cal, he had never been afraid of showing his identity to the world.

After a last look at their weapons, Bey'Serth handed them back to them.

“They are truly tools of Jedi. May you always be worthy of them.”

A flash of emotion that wasn't his own darted through Cal's mind as he took his sabre. It was wistful reverence and awe, an old memory of his Order's magnificence and all the good it brought. It warmed his heart, and he couldn't help a smile as he clipped his weapon on his belt.

Bey'Serth was looking into the fire, her gaze far away. A sigh escaped from her lips.

“The disease that plagues our land... as wielders and worshippers of the Force, you may be able to understand it, for the Force is where it comes from, as all things do. When that terrible weapon fired on us, it unleashed a power so monstrous, so unnatural, that the soil itself screamed. When the Temple of the Holy City collapsed, the desert died with it. The planet shook with suffering.”

She sat down next to them, looking more exhausted and older than ever since they had met her.

“Ever since, this world has been unbalanced, unable to recover. Echoes of its suffering reverberate through the air like deadly fumes of radiation, smothering life little by little. An eternal winter has come to cover it and smother everything. Where there once had been profound peace and harmony, there remains only dissonance.”

She looked at them, and once more Cal was struck by the depth of her gaze.

“Have you not felt it when you arrived on-planet, Jedi friends? Have you not noticed how much pain infuses this air and permeates this ground?”

Cal looked away, feeling chastised. That indeed hadn't struck him. Why hadn't it struck him, if it was as obvious as she claimed?

“We have,” Luke whispered, and Cal felt irrationally betrayed. “Or rather, what we felt was the silence. As if the Force was no longer answering us.”

So Luke had felt the same as he had, then. Cal was reassured, knowing he hadn't missed anything important.

 _That's hubris and pride,_ he chastised himself. _Luke is ahead of you on his path in the Force, in spite of your longer training. You should accept that._

Bey'Serth's features softened.

“Of course – you aren't attuned to the way the Force inhabits this place as we are, yet. You may not feel it from here. If you are still curious, you may wander next to the ruins of the Holy City... that is where the wound was opened. That is where the Force cannot heal. I would be grateful if you could help it... but I fear that cannot be done.”

She stared into the fire again, sighing.

“All things must die when their time comes. Even Jedha, magnificent and sacred as it used to be. It is the way of the Force.”

Silence fell on them again, only softened by the crackling of the fire, and this time they didn't break it.


	3. Teaching/Learning

They left early the next morning. By the time they were finished eating with Bey'Serth and the other Disciples of the Whills, which was how these people called themselves, it was already completely dark, so they had been invited to stay for the night. But they were still determined to find out more about the mysterious wound in the Force, so as soon as the sun rose, they took off.

The sky was still pink, with purple and orange hues shadowing the clouds on the horizon. It had stopped snowing for the moment, although Cal could see from the shape of the clouds that the respite wouldn't last long. But these hours, just at the exit of the night, when the sunlight hasn't had time to warm the air yet, were the coldest of the day, and thus the both of them were shivering side to side, little clouds of smoke escaping their mouth at each exhalation.

They hiked in silence at first, walking at the same quick pace, their bodies slowly warming up despite the temperature of the atmosphere. They had asked for directions from Bey'Serth, but they only needed it as a safeguard. Now that their attention had been brought on what was wrong in the Force, it was easier to recognise and follow it to its source.

Cal put his hand on his lightsabre. It was still infused with Bey'Serth's positive emotions, although the touch hadn't lasted more than a few seconds; it was but faintly there, but Cal could still feel it if he concentrated on it. So he lapped all he could from the comforting impression, knowing it would be gone very soon.

“What's happening?” Luke asked, imitating his gesture. “Have you sensed danger?”

An irrational rush of annoyance dashed through Cal as the interruption made him lose touch with the faint and fleeting imprint on the sabre. Of course there wasn't any danger around; didn't Luke feel that himself?

“No, everything's fine,” he said, doing his best not to snap. Luke was still throwing him a puzzled look, so he explained further. “It's a psychometry thing.”

“Oh,” Luke answered, relaxing. He made a sheepish movement with his head.

Cal gripped his sabre tighter, trying to look for the imprint in the Force again. As he'd thought, it was now completely gone. It had already been pretty lucky to still be there this morning... Cal hadn't expected it to hold on the whole night. But then, maybe the atmosphere in the camp had helped it stick to it.

There was silence between them again, but it was different now, expectant, restless, a silence of things unsaid. Cal patiently waited for Luke to speak his mind.

“Do you think you could teach me?”

Cal blinked. That certainly wasn't what he'd expected.

“Uh, yeah, sure. I already agreed to that, remember? Besides, I'm not that much more trained than you.”

“No, no,” Luke cut him off. “I mean teach me psychometry.”

“Ah,” Cal said. He bit his lip; it was a shame _that_ was the first thing Luke asked of him... “I don't think it's possible. Psychometry isn't a skill, it's a born ability.”

“Oh. Okay,” Luke replied, sounding disappointed. Cal doubted himself again: was it really something innate, as he thought he remembered being told, or was he simply showing a particular propensity to it? Could it be possible to teach it, even though Cal didn't know how, had never learnt much about it himself, except how to shield himself from being overwhelmed?

But Luke didn't question it. He didn't show the stubbornness he displayed in every single other area. He simply trusted Cal without question.

_Of course he does. He doesn't have that ability; you do. It's natural for him to assume you know more about it than he does. He has no way to tell how out of your depth you are._

And yet something didn't sit right with him. Cal could still see Luke's hesitation, hear the awe in his voice when he'd timidly asked for instruction.

Cal was no teacher material... at least not to someone with such high expectations as Luke. The man was a Jedi himself, and so attuned to the Force already... He may have lacked some finer mastery in the more technical areas of his training, but that was something a true Master should teach him. Someone like Cere, or Master Tapal. Cal could never teach him that; to tell the truth, he was a bit afraid to try, afraid to meddle with the instinctual connection Luke seemed to have with the Force.

They didn't have a choice, however. Cere, perhaps, would teach Luke at some point; it was no wonder how reluctant she was after what happened to Trilla, but Cal hoped she would manage to get past it. But they were all that remained of the Jedi Order, the three of them. They had to make do with what they had, figure it out as they went.

Sometimes Cal felt like Luke looked at him as though he was wearing the entire Order on his shoulders, as if being thirteen when the Purge had happened must mean he knew everything about being a Jedi. It made him ill at ease, for he could never be the person he confusedly felt Luke must want him to be.

“Well, or so I think,” he couldn't help amending. “I'm not sure. I was never really taught much about it; I don't think it was a very well-known ability, and it was a long time ago.”

Truth be told, he was pretty certain of what he said; he remembered his struggles all too vividly, being special among the other children at the Temple. But what was a small little white lie, if it made the younger Jedi treat him like a human being rather than the paragon of wisdom and knowledge he could never be for Luke?

“That's all right,” Luke answered, smiling, and Cal hated even more how much he swept his own emotions under the rug. “I've never really felt Force impressions around objects, so I probably don't have it anyway.”

Cal didn't know what to answer to that.

So they walked in silence again, side by side. They had progressed to the middle of the plains, and the wind was whistling in their ears. It looks like there were miles and miles of open land around them. On Cal's back, Beedee whistled and hid himself deeper in his hood.

“This reminds me a little of home on Tatooine,” Luke said, shouting a little to make himself heard. “I wish we had a speeder. This kind of landscape is incredibly fun to race through.”

Cal had never really raced on anything, but he could picture it. As much as he liked the soothing pace of the walk, it could be a bit tedious to just put a foot in front of the other without much of a change of scenery. Darting through the vast stretches of rocks would be exhilarating.

“Maybe you could teach me to race,” Cal suggested. “I've driven speeders from time to time, but not enough to be familiar with it.”

Luke's eyes lit up, and he shot him a daredevil grin.

“I'm sure you'd be great at it. It's all a matter of reflexes.” He tilted his head on the side, frowned in thought for a small second. “Though it's really not difficult, in places like here. You don't risk running into something, or splattering yourself against a wall.”

“Oh?” Cal said, amused. “Is that the kind of thing you often do?”

“No, not any more. But on Tatooine, me and my friends used to race in the canyons. It was great.”

Cal huffed with a smile. He had to admit that did sound pretty fun, as tiring as the idea of brushing death so closely was to him lately. His offer for Luke to teach him had been a clumsy attempt to put himself back on the same level again, but he supposed he would truly enjoy it.

“You seem to like piloting a lot. Why did you decide to become a Jedi?”

Luke's expression closed off a little at that. Cal didn't understand what he'd said; wasn't that a completely innocuous question?

“Because of my father.”

“Anakin Skywalker?” Cal did his best not to let his childhood hero worship leak into his voice.

Luke nodded.

“I wanted to follow in his footsteps,” he said. There was something guarded in his answer, a reluctance.

“I'm sorry,” Cal offered, genuinely. He knew how soul-crushing grief could be, even for people he'd never known. He thought he understood, but something was telling him he also didn't, at the same time.

Luke sighed, then gave him a smile.

“It's all right. It's... complicated.”

It was; Cal could hear it, could feel it in the sense of awkward reticence Luke had to talk about it.

“We should have brought speeders,” he said to change the subject. “I usually like walking, but this place gives me the creeps.”

“I see what you mean,” Luke said, relaxing a little. “It's cold, and silent... and not only because of the temperature. It's unnatural, as if all the life was gone.”

Cal nodded and looked at the sky, reaching out into the Force.

“It's only going to get worse, I think...”

They exchanged a look, filled with dread not so much for what was going to happen to them, but more for what had happened around them; then they kept walking forward nonetheless.


	4. The Force

The snow picked up again around an hour later, according to Cal's appraisal. The deadly stillness in the Force had done nothing but grow, as they both had expected.

Cal knew what the Death Star had been capable of; he'd heard of it and barely been able to believe it. Such a thing was monstrous, and he had been as relieved as anybody else when it had finally been destroyed. To witness its damage from up close was another thing entirely. More than silence, there was an undercurrent of dissonance here, a tiny vibration that rung in the air, on the ground, everywhere around them, making the whole world seem greyer, bleaker.

But the moment when they really took the measure of the destruction was right before entering Jedha City, or rather the hole in the ground that was left of it.

There was a statue lying there. It was a strange thing to notice, considering that not even two hundred feet away the earth seemed to have collapsed on itself, and that ruins and crevasses were already running all around them, but Cal noticed it anyway. It was a striking statue, taller than twice Cal's height even in that position, sculpted in the same ochre stone that they saw everywhere yet polished by the elements as if it had already laid there for a thousand years.

Cal felt drawn to it, for a reason he couldn't explain. Perhaps it was the familiar hood covering the gigantic head of the bearded man it represented; perhaps it was the way only half the face was visible while the rest of it was buried in the ground. Cal was moved by it in the way he was moved by old Star Destroyers coming to crash in Bracca's graveyard, by the sheer size of it and the knowledge that it belonged to a distant past. He was shaken by the grief emanating from this stone giant that lay sprawled and covered in snow, his eye so eroded by time it might as well be closed in eternal sleep.

He came closer. Behind him, he could feel Luke tentatively following him, staying a few careful steps back, confused. Cal didn't try to explain it to him, too overwhelmed by the sudden and raging emotions blooming in his chest.

A fallen Jedi, peaceful in his quiet death. A remnant of an Order that no longer was. Remains of a life that was lost, the only trace of what had once been.

Beedee jumped off his back and started scanning the statue, bleeping in frustration when he couldn't get an angle big enough to have its full image. Cal knelt and put his hand on it, right over the line between the hood and the hair. He needed to feel the stone, to understand the way the Force roiled around it.

_Fear._

_Pain._

_Discordance._

_Destruction._

Cal gasped, but kept his palm firmly set on the stone. He could feel the anguish of the world. A bright green light erupted from the sky, blinding him, inflaming him, blowing up the ground, which gave out under him. There was fire, a cloud of dust and stone clogging up the air, void where his feet should have stood. There was no up, no down, just unimaginable heat and pressure, and the earth screamed.

Cal screamed, too.

A lightsabre ignited behind him, bringing him back to some of his senses.

“Cal? What's happening? What's wrong?”

Luke's voice was terrified, urgent. Cal could feel his turmoil in the Force, the way he stood guard and frantically looked around for the slightest threat, but he couldn't bear to answer him yet. Too powerful were the sobs that wracked his chest, too overwhelming the need to cling to the stone as if it was a lifeline, even as its impression shook him like the quake that followed the Death Star's shot.

As much as it hurt, as much as it tore at him and flayed him open, there was a strange sense of relief to bearing witness in this way, for Cal understood.

At last the aftershocks abated. Cal took his hand away from the stone and wiped his tears with it, feeling cleansed and weighed down by grief. In the devastation, in the horror, he could find a sense of resigned acceptance.

The world had changed, as it always did.

He looked up at Luke, met clear blue eyes filled with confusion.

“We should go back.”

“What? Why?” Luke asked, bewildered. “You want to give up?”

Cal stood up, and Beedee came up on his back again, nudging his cheek. Cal smiled at him and patted his head.

“I saw what happened with the Death Star,” he said to Luke. “There were kyber crystals in the Temple. The excess of energy overloaded and made them bleed. No wonder this place is so infused with the dark side.”

Luke frowned.

“I don't understand. Why does it mean we shouldn't go forward?”

“Because we won't be able to do anything. I don't know how many of them there are, but it's a lot. Too much. We should have trusted the locals, they know this land better than we do, if they said it's dead, then they must be right –”

Snippets of the vision flashed back before his eyes. A new awareness had reached him; now that he knew the source of the destruction, it seemed to him the dark side was everywhere around him, chasing them off, telling them they were not welcome.

“Calm down,” said Luke, putting his hand on his arm. “Bey'Serth and the other Disciples asked us to investigate. Shouldn't we at least continue forward somewhat? Maybe we'll be able to help even a little.”

“We can't _erase_ this,” Cal retorted. “What happened... Nothing will take it back. We're helpless. We can't change the past. This is the will of the Force.”

Luke stayed silent for a while. He looked down at the ground, not fidgeting like Cal had known him to do any time he wasn't sure of himself, but strangely calm.

“I don't believe it,” he ended up saying, soft yet certain. Cal's eyebrows shot up, surprise tearing him from his resigned despair; it was the first time Luke had outright expressed disagreement with an opinion he expressed. “I can't believe this is the will of the Force. The Death Star did this, the Empire destroyed this place. I can feel the dark side too, now; it stinks everywhere. And the Force would will things to remain this way, so unbalanced, so miserable?”

Cal gaped. Of course, said like that, it was ridiculous. It was as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, a veil taken from his eyes.

The vision must be getting at him, he supposed. A chill ran down his spine. If the dark side was that strong here, if the nexus of malevolent energy was so powerful as to influence them without their even noticing, using their own shortcomings against them, they had to be very careful.

Luke took a step forward towards the ruins.

“Come on. Let's at least have a look at the Temple. We can always turn back if coming here was a mistake.”

Beedee softly trilled in encouragement, and Cal smiled to give himself courage before following Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Source of this chapter's picture](https://kyber-erso.tumblr.com/post/620810981244895232/part-i-of-an-au-based-off-an-undeveloped)


	5. Restraint/Discipline

They continued towards the centre of the crater and entered what must once have been the Holy City. Nothing remained of it. Where buildings had stood only remained mounds of materials, some even as tall as houses. Here and there was a door handle, a piece of fabric, a nail; but overall, it felt like walking in mountains of gravel, metal and stone crumbling under their feet.

As they progressed, the Force too echoed this impression of pure devastation. Each step they made was infused more with the dark side; it was so potent it nearly became suffocating. Cal had stuffed his hands in his pockets, too afraid to touch anything. The oxygen itself was close to triggering his psychometry; the sheer absurdity of it would have made him laugh, hadn't he been deeply focused to keep his centre. Luke walked by his side, throwing him worried looks. Cal did his best to reassure him with an absent smile here and there.

The place from which came the disturbance, where Luke and Cal supposed the Temple had once stood, was higher than the rest. Perhaps a section of its huge walls had remained upright somehow for clutter to accumulate over it, or maybe the ground, unsettled and disturbed by the Death Star's shot, had rearranged itself this way; in any case, there was an immense mountain right in the middle of the crater, standing nearly as tall as the mesas outside. It stood alone, an odd sight in the middle of the flat and level devastation.

“I think we need to climb it,” Cal said, reluctantly. Having to not only touch, but cling to this landscape so close to where the crystals were bleeding didn't exactly fill him with anticipation. Behind him, Beedee bleeped his agreement.

“There certainly doesn't seem to be any other way...”

Luke bit his lip, threw a look at Cal.

“This looks dangerous. Maybe we should go back...”

“What? No,” Cal protested. “You were right before. The crystals... They're bleeding, they're in pain, but they're calling to us. Can't you feel them?”

“Yes, I do, but... will you be all right? Are you sure we should go on?”

Cal pursed his lips, annoyed once more. Just a couple hours ago he'd insisted that they should continue! Did he think Cal couldn't handle himself, or was he doubting himself again? Why did he always seem to seek Cal's approval?

He shouldn't lash out at Luke, he reminded himself. The younger man was just being considerate. His irritation was just the dark side talking, all the suffering he had felt around them ever since touching the statue earlier.

“Listen to the Force,” he couldn't help saying nonetheless. “You're as attuned to it as I am, if not more. What does it tell you?”

Luke closed his eyes and tilted his head. Cal could feel the tendrils of his Force presence, so bright and powerful, reach out in exploration. They were even more obvious here, in the middle of this lifeless desert, where the dark side was so present.

“Yes,” he murmured. “We should continue.”

He opened his eyes.

“But –“

“Luke, I will be fine,” Cal said. “I am stronger than you give me credit for.”

At that, Luke winced.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply...”

He trailed off, then sighed and shook his head.

“Right. Up we go, then.”

Cal felt guilty at that. Luke knew he was suffering. He was just trying to do whatever he could do for him. For all of Cal's irritation at his apparent insecurity, his reactions couldn't have helped Luke feeling better, less nervous or less helpless.

“Not everything worth doing is easy,” he said, as much for his own benefit as for Luke's, as he wasn't looking forward to the climb. “Sometimes enduring a little pain means relieving much more of it down the line.”

Luke nodded in agreement, his eyes looking very far away. Again, Cal had the impression of something hidden behind his quietness, of some ordeal that had changed him profoundly, in ways Cal couldn't fathom.

Once more, he wondered, and once more he didn't pry. His scars belonged to him, and only to him. Even without knowing the specifics, that was something Cal could understand extremely well.

They began their ascension in silence. Cal took the lead, with Luke closely following behind him. As he expected, the echoes only grew stronger from there. He could feel them keenly, at the deepest of his bones. He had to use all his concentration not to lose his focus and miss a hold, which would send him tumbling down the cliff.

Luke was a great help. His presence in the Force wrapped around his own and helped keep him grounded, safely away from the slipping grasp of the dark side. Cal was grateful for it.

He wasn't sure how long they had climbed when they first got a glimpse of it. Its light bled bright red on them, giving them an eerie glow in the setting sun. Cal was the first to arrive at its level, and its brilliance blinded him. He would have fallen off the cliff, had Luke not held him back through the Force.

“Stars,” Luke whispered, in horrified awe.

Only physically was it so bright, forcing them to shield their eyes. In the Force, it was like a black hole, sucking all light and warmth from around them. Cal had to make an effort not to let it drag him inside it into a spiral of destructive thoughts.

 _Nothing you can do will help,_ the crystal murmured. _You are a failure. You will never be a true Jedi. You should have died in your Master's place all these years ago..._

Luke physically put a hand on his.

“There'll be no Leia to rescue us if we let go,” he whispered. While Cal didn't understand why he said that, he caught the meaning of the words themselves all too well.

The dark side was insidious, but they had to resist it.

“Let's keep climbing,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Source of this chapter's picture](https://kyber-erso.tumblr.com/post/621395519533645824/part-ii-of-an-undeveloped-continuation-of)


	6. Meditation/Mindfulness

And so they kept climbing, higher and higher, their presences intertwined in order to look out for each other and keep themselves away from the mortal temptation of the bleeding kybers. There were more and more as they went up, and while they were separate entities, they were resonating together so strongly they felt like one single, huge nexus of malevolent and miserable energy.

Another thing that didn't help was the cold. The snow, that had abated a little right before they started their ascension, had picked up again, and the whistling wind whipped snowflakes in their faces so brutally it hurt. Beedee was alarmingly still on his back, but he was at least warm, as the energy needed by his mechanical system evacuated into heat after it was used up. Cal's fingers were numb, and he climbed more slowly now, making sure to grasp the stone solidly before he relied on it.

He didn't know at what height they were; all he knew was that they couldn't go on like this forever. They had been able to resist the negative energy of the crystals until now, but Cal feared that wouldn't last; sooner or later, one of them would slip on the wet stone, distracted by the disturbing suggestions in their minds or caught up on by the cold. They had to find a somewhat flatter place to rest their feet on and decide what they were going to do.

That respite came in the form of a cave in the very wall of the cliff. It was tall enough for them to stand, and rather deep. Without stopping too long to think on the strangeness of such a thing, Luke and Cal hurried inside it, relieved by the protection it allowed them from the elements.

They nearly suffocated, however, from the sheer darkness of the place.

It would have been dark physically, too, if not for the thousands of kybers bleeding red light from the walls. It seemed like a thousand angry eyes watching them in hatred, buzzing like so many lightsabres aimed for their throat, taunting like the distorted voice behind a woman's helmet.

 _Go away,_ they screamed inside Cal's mind, all together. _Or we will make you suffer everything we suffered._

Before he could react to the onslaught, a screech and a hum ignited next to him. Luke was standing, the green of his lightsabre warring with red on his face. Perhaps it was just the eerie lightning, but Cal was unsettled by the expression on his face.

“We should destroy them.” Luke's voice was calm, measured, but Cal wasn't sure he should trust it. Emotions were still raging in his mind; how could they not overwhelm Luke, too?

“Let's take a second and think,” he replied, his voice deafened, muted. He was still kneeling on the ground, reeling from the onslaught of energy interfering with his own.

He'd thought he had encountered the dark side on Dathomir. He'd believed no place could be so infused with human malevolence as the Inquisitors' fortress. But the agony of the crystals was like nothing he'd ever felt.

“This is the centre of the disturbance!” Luke said, and his words were shaking now. “We can't have come this far and do nothing! The whole planet is suffering because of them. They – they're –“

“Sentient,” Cal said. “They're sentient.”

Luke fell quiet at that. He looked taken aback, frightened, a little as if someone had poured a bucket of water on his head.

“I know,” he said. “I... I feel it. They're in pain. They're in so much pain...”

“Bleeding crystals are among the most unnatural things in the universe,” Cal whispered again. Even though they were the only ones here, even though the crystals didn't make any noise but in the Force, it seemed to him he was talking over the sound of a tempest howling. But he knew Luke heard him. “To them, this is the worst imaginable torture... that's why they're screaming like this. It's all they can do.”

It was hard to tell with the lighting, but it seemed to Cal Luke had paled a bit.

“And they've been enduring this since the Death Star's attack on Jedha?”

Cal nodded, pursing his lips together.

“We need to do something,” Luke said, desperately this time. “We can't leave them like this. We can't walk away and... and...”

He gripped his sabre tighter, set his jaw.

“We have to... to put them out of their misery. That's what they're asking for. That's what they want.”

Cal looked back down, to the ground. He knew exactly how Luke felt: helpless, despairing, assaulted from everywhere around him. Knowing they should do something, yet intimidated by the hugeness of the task.

But something deep inside him prevented him from igniting his lightsabre. He understood the crystals' plight far too intimately; his life being destroyed in a few heated moments, having the very ground swept from under his feet, reality seeming like an endless nightmare. He knew how it felt. And while he'd wished for relief, while sometimes, in his darkest moments, he'd wondered why he was still alive, he'd never, ever wanted to die.

A faint memory fought to come up, and he reached out to it, seeking its beauty despite the pressure of the dark side. It was on Ilum, on beautiful and radiant Ilum, their Ilum – a wave of grief and anger assaulted him at the thought of what the Empire had done to it, but he suppressed it. He had only been a Padawan, a youngling even, as they came on a visit. Cal had wandered alone in the ice corridors, and fallen on a Jedi Master whose name he no longer remembered. He'd come closer, intrigued; the Master had smiled, then made a gesture with his hand. Cal had been intimidated, terrified even, but he'd come closer and stared in fascination at the tiny, ruby red crystal delicately cradled in the Master's palm...

“I think I know a way to heal them,” he said.

Luke's head whipped towards him.

“You do?” he asked, such hope in his voice it made Cal's heart ache.

“It's been a very long time,” he replied tentatively, “and I'm not certain, but... it's worth a try, I think.”

Truth be told, he barely remembered it. He hadn't even reached his tenth birthday back then, and hadn't understood the Force nearly like he did now, for all that his understanding, even at present, remained fragmented and imperfect. The chances of failure were much higher than those of success. He couldn't even guarantee it wasn't dangerous.

But he wanted to try, from the deepest corner of his soul. He knew Luke did, too. For some reason, these crystals' salvation had become theirs.

“Come, sit down. We'll have to sink very deep in the Force for this,” he told Luke, doing his best to sound like an experienced Jedi Master and not a frightened Padawan.

Luke joined him, reluctance coming off him in waves. Cal hoped his own nervousness wasn't that obvious.

“I've... never been really good at meditation,” he confessed. “I'm too reckless and impatient for it, apparently. Master Yoda showed me the main principles... but...”

Cal had to hold back a grimace. It had never been his strong suit, either, and especially not now. Not even three days ago, he'd still been struggling with it, frustrated over his lack of progress.

But it would have to do.

 _Compassion,_ Cere's voice whispered in his ear. _For yourself, too._

“It's going to be fine. We're in this together,” he said.

Luke was sitting cross-legged on the stone floor. Cal remained on his knees, but shifted so he was across from him. He reached out and took his hands in his own. On his back, Beedee softly whistled.

This could go wrong in so many ways.

He exchanged a glance with Luke, then closed his eyes.

His heart was racing in his chest, his breath short from the enormity of what they were trying to achieve. A thousand terrible scenarios ran around his mind, each more devastating than the next. The dark side was preying on them, waiting for them. There was so much at stake. There was so much to risk.

So Cal did an exercise they learnt before even learning to write at the Temple. He counted his breaths.

In, out. In, out. He didn't bother with the Jedi Code this time, just tried to relax his body little by little, without letting himself think of anything but where and how he was. He straightened his back, opened his fists, unclenched his jaw. His breath came deeper and deeper into his lungs, expanding, lengthening, its calming movement resonating into his belly and his back.

Until reaching out to the Force was no longer an effort, but so easy, so obvious he did it without even trying.

Cal took a moment to bask in it, to savour the excitation of triumph and the sense of peace, of contentment, of quiet joy and presence that he always found in it. It was like finding his way home after a very long time away, comforting, healing.

He then sought Luke's presence next to him. The younger man seemed to be struggling; his connection to the Force was so instinctual he touched it without any problem, but the link was tenuous, restless. Cal reached out to him, projected his calm and assurance, wordlessly guided him. Then, once Luke was sufficiently settled, they turned together towards the screaming crystals.

But they no longer saw kyber in front of them. Instead there was a gigantic dying sun, bleeding crimson light over the ruins of a destroyed city.


	7. Symbiosis/Connection

Befuddled, for a moment they completely forgot where they were and what they were doing. They just silently wandered between the fallen buildings, spooked by the relentless red light that, even more than the piles of collapsed stone and rubble scattered across the streets, made the place look dead.

The city was unrecognisable. It could have been anywhere in the galaxy, and Cal's throat tightened at the thought of how many places must currently look like that.

A particular piece of wall made him falter in his tracks. This was – he recognised it –

It was his favourite diner. A few streets away from the temple, where he and his friends used to love going, in his last year before becoming a Padawan.

His breath caught in his throat. Now that he had noticed, he couldn't look at the city the same. Everywhere he looked was a familiar place that was now destroyed; every stone had memories attached, and grief welled inside him, horror rising as he wondered what terrible battle took place here, in his home, that he wasn't aware of...

Luke murmured a word Cal didn't understand. Cal looked at him. He seemed just as gutted as Cal felt, his eyes darting around in devastation.

“That's – that's...”

“Coruscant, yes,” Cal replied, voicing his pain at last. “Home.”

Luke blinked, looked around again, as if he was waking up disoriented from a dream.

“Home, yes,” he said. “But I don't see Coruscant.”

It was as if a veil was lifted off Cal's eyes. Understanding dawned on him as he remembered what they came to do, why they were here, and he knew where they were, too.

“You see your hometown, don't you?”

“Yes,” Luke replied. “Anchorhead. By some aspects, Jedha looks a little like Tatooine... it took me off-guard.”

They exchanged a glance, this time in perfect understanding.

“A vision,” Cal said. Now that he'd voiced it, it seemed obvious. Both saw home, but not the same home. There was only one way this could happen. “We need to be very careful.”

Luke nodded, and they kept walking.

The silence was oppressive and dangerous, but breaking it with idle talk seemed even worse an idea. It was the Force that had led them here, to this ghost town that may or may not exist. It meant it had something to tell them, something they needed to discover, although it was less than obvious to them at the moment.

So they kept walking, seeing more and more destroyed buildings as they went. It was becoming clear the city was infinite. They never saw a door or a town wall; just devastated streets, and shops, and houses.

After a while, they saw the sun was setting. It had taken them a while to notice, because the unnatural, eerie red light looked so much like a cataclysmic sunset already, and there wasn't enough of a horizon for them to see it come down. But it was unmistakeably declining.

It was Luke who first realised it. “I've looked at more sunsets than I can count,” he whispered to Cal, for any words stronger than a whisper sounded wrong. “This is like nothing I've ever seen, but it is a sunset.”

That idea made Cal's blood freeze in his veins.

“I wonder if we're supposed to do something before it grows dark?” he said. “But what? I don't see much we _can_ do.”

Luke shook his head, biting his lip and looking around.

They went on, somewhat alarmed by the gradually fading light. It was the only thing changing at all; the ruined city around them was always the same, always dead and motionless. There were no living beings there at all, not even a plant or an insect. Everything was hopelessly still.

And the light was still coming down, slowly, as if it was waiting on something. It was grating on Cal's nerves.

“What are we supposed to _do?_ ” Luke asked. He seemed freaked out, too. It made Cal even more nervous.

He thought about it. They were in a vision from the Force. The best thing to do was to remain calm.

“Perhaps there's nothing to be done yet,” he murmured. “Just have patience, breathe, and not freak out.”

Luke clenched his jaw at that as if he was irritated; but he exchanged one look with Cal and relaxed.

This wasn't just advice for Luke. It was something Cal was going to have to strive for, too.

So they decided to sit down to wait, since there was nothing else to do. They settled in the positions they had taken in the cave, Luke sitting with his legs crossed, Cal on his knees, their hands joined, and breathed together while they waited for the sun to set.

In, out.

In, out.

The light grew scarcer and scarcer. It shimmered across old glass scattered on the ground, lengthened the shadows of the buildings, made them stand out as huge needles against the scarlet sky. It soon grew hard to see anything among the shades and the shapes they were making on the ground.

And when night came, they found themselves completely in the dark.

Cal's heart was racing in his chest. He was glad for Luke's sweating, shaky hands in his own and for the sound of his breath, for otherwise he wasn't sure he would have believed in the reality of it all. They heard nothing. They saw nothing. It was as if nothing existed any longer.

They held on, waiting for something to happen, but nothing did. There was just the uncomfortable nothingness all around them.

Silence. Darkness. Stillness.

Cal didn't know how long it went on. His heartbeat was picking up; it was the loudest thing in his ears, now. Even Luke's hand was slipping from his own – he grasped it, desperately needing it to ground himself.

Luke held his hand back in return. From the way his clothes shifted, Cal imagined he was rising to his feet; he imitated him. They couldn't know what was going to spring from the darkness, and they needed to be able to react quickly.

“What's going on?” Luke asked. He sounded shaken, and Cal couldn't blame him in the least. “Where are we?”

“I don't know.”

They cast out their senses in the Force, but could find nothing. It was as if the world had simply disintegrated and nothing remained.

Cal's heart started beating faster. Frightening thoughts were starting to take place in his mind, and he was doing his best to refrain them.

“Are we stuck here?” Luke whispered. “How do we get out?”

“I don't know. I don't _know,_ ” Cal answered.

The last time he'd had a vision from the Force had been terrifying and upsetting, but nothing like this. He didn't know how much time had passed, didn't even know if time was still a useful concept.

Maybe they _were_ trapped here. Maybe they would slowly starve to death – or worse, maybe their spirits would stay alive in nothingness forever, without escape, constantly slipping away, without anything to cling on to...

_And what if you are? he thought. What is there outside this void for you to go back to?_

Cal tried to recall the outside world, Cere's warmth, Beedee's gentle beeping, but it seemed so faded and far away it was difficult.

_It won't matter. They will get used to your absence. You will become a memory, then fade as they all do._

The images in his mind shifted; Beedee, tarnished and sparking, limping as he did when Cal first found him, one of his eyes damaged, barely moving; Cere, her hair white, wrinkles all over her face as she smiled a melancholy smile.

_They too will fade. It is the way of the Force. Nothing is permanent. Nothing matters._

Cal shook his head, ran his hands through his hair. It wasn't true. He'd come here to fix things, he didn't want to get trapped here, he had to get back to his friends...

_Who are you, Jedi, to be so presumptuous as to go against the order of the universe? What kind of balance is it, to want to hold things into place? Do you think yourself so righteous, with your unnatural goals?_

Cal could answer nothing. He couldn't deny it. The voice in his head had started to sound like Master Tapal, gently berating, and this made the harsh criticism hurt all the more.

The voice was right. He was nothing, he wasn't a true Jedi, it was hubris and arrogance to strut around and pretend like he did...

Despair overwhelmed him at that. Perhaps he deserved this. Perhaps it was better for him to be stuck in this oblivion, perhaps the world would fare better without him...

A flare of utter despondency next to him tore him from his spiralling, and he realised not all of these terrible feelings were his.

 _I'm not trained enough,_ Luke thought, in such perfect echo of Cal's own feelings it had only reinforced them. _I'm an impostor. I shouldn't call myself a Jedi. My legacy is forever tainted, only worth being ashamed of._

Cal jumped, surprised that he could hear him so strongly. These were only thoughts, so intimate Cal would never have heard them if they weren't currently linked in meditation through the Force; usually one could only catch echoes of feelings, as elusive as flavours and smells. At the moment, however, he could hear him as if he was talking aloud.

And Luke's despair was so strong it stifled Cal's breath. His own sadness changed into concern, then alarm.

_It would be better if I were dead._

_No,_ Cal thought, nearly shouted. The idea triggered a surprising knee-jerk reaction in him, somewhere between anger and panic. Dying was giving in, dying was the ultimate failure; it meant _they_ had won, they had got what they wanted, the Jedi were that much closer to being extinguished.

He reached out and caught Luke's hand again, only now realising they had slipped apart. He gripped it tightly, leaning on the sensation of tangible flesh, and blood, and bone in his grasp. He reached out in the Force as well, catching him before he could slip away completely.

Luke's mind was a mess that scared Cal a little. The crystals' words – for Cal was now persuaded the whispers were the crystals' – had reached him far more than they had Cal, far more than Cal had expected. It was a good thing they were unarmed in this...

… just as he thought that, he felt the weight of his lightsabre at his side.

And then a bit further were the crystals, shining as red as the sun that had dipped down to unfold them in darkness.

Their light didn't reach them, however. Cal could feel Luke's hand in his own, but he couldn't see either of them. As if they weren't there, as if the crystals were only shining on emptiness.

“They're right,” Luke whispered. He sounded stricken, and Cal regretted he didn't know for sure what the crystals had been telling him.

“What?”

Luke's thoughts were still like a storm, agitated, full of a grief and self-loathing Cal could only begin to understand.

_I'm weak. I can never save the people I love, so what worth is even trying? All I ever do is endanger them..._

Cal felt a movement of Luke's hand; before he knew it, his green lightsabre was ignited, shedding light on his distraught features at last. Cal didn't like the desperate spark shining in his eyes, nor the distortion of his face, as if he were in physical pain. He put a hand on his arm.

“Luke, what are you doing?!”

Luke looked at him at last, and Cal shivered. This gaze wasn't a sane one.

“They're – they're – I have to _do_ something.”

“I thought we'd decided to save them,” Cal tried. This was wrong. This was _wrong_...

“We can't,” Luke retorted, looking down, then at the crystals again. His voice was shaking; so was his arm, Cal noticed at last, and his whole body. “I don't have the skill, I'm not trained enough – I can't save them –”

I can't save anybody. Too many people died for me, because of me. It's time for it to stop.

Cal realised with growing fright he still had no idea if he intended to use his sabre on them or on himself.

“Luke, listen to me, please,” he said. “Please calm down. You're about to do something you'll regret.”

Luke swallowed, mercifully looked at him again. Cal pushed a little on his arm, which came a few inches down again.

Once again, Cal reached towards Luke's mind, sent soothing waves towards him.

 _You're spiralling,_ he said, realising what was happening as he said it. _Their pain is feeding off yours and yours off theirs in a vicious circle._

Luke blinked, looked down. With a shaky sigh, his shoulders fell. His arm lost all resistance, just dropped down, and so did his sabre, plunging them in darkness again.

But that just came as a relief to them both.

Cal tied their connection in the Force tighter.

_We're going to have to do that together, all right?_

He could feel, although not see, Luke's nod.

Cal came closer to the crystals. He breathed deeply, stuck to his centre, determined not to let himself be unbalanced again.

Then he let go of Luke, and put both of his hands on the crystals.

And _winced._

It was as if someone was screaming in his mind. It was as if his every cell was on fire. He could see the dreadful explosion again and again, the ground caving on itself, and he was the one blowing up, scattered at every corner of the galaxy...

He had to use all his energy not to lash out. Instead he _reached out,_ seeking comfort, seeking a presence, anything to ground him...

And he found it. A bright light, like a sun shining in the middle of cold dark space, warm and caring. Soothing.

Luke's presence.

It was like a warm hug, like coming back home – as little as Cal was familiar with the feeling these days. He could feel Luke holding on to him, giving him all the comfort he could.

The pain was still there, underneath – Cal had felt it so acutely that, even though Luke seemed to have buried it under his desire to help, he could still notice it like sunspots on the surface of a hot star, a subdued melancholy in the waves of solace. So in return he let out all his gratitude, expressing how much it meant to have him here, trusting him, accompanying him.

Then he turned that comfort, that joy, that love, towards the crystals.

 _It's not the end,_ he said.

He showed them his Master's death and Cere's knighting him.

He showed them his determination to survive, and his happiness when he understood the Empire was no more, that he was safe.

He showed them his frustration with the Force, and his joy at reconnecting with it.

The crystals shrieked, yelled, sobbed in response. Their tears were like black and sticky oil, clinging at his peace. Cal didn't give in an inch. He pushed back with all his strength, showing them how _worth it_ it was to keep fighting, to hang on –

A softness came and caressed his presence, tentative, a little clumsy, although it shone like a thousand suns, unmistakeable.

 _Luke._ Cal let him do as he wanted, opening himself to his intervention, letting him speak to the crystals too.

What he heard nearly brought tears to his own eyes.

 _Forgiveness,_ was what Luke's presence was exuding. >em>Hope. He was telling stories of a flame igniting from the smallest candle in total darkness, of a held out hand that stopped someone from falling, of new bridges being built over old bridges that had been burnt and standing more beautiful than ever.

Then his presence wavered, and Cal urged him on. He imitated him, letting his presence flow in the same direction, painting his own images: a reforged blade, a person reaching the top of a mountain despite tripping on the whole road, arms holding someone and hands drying tears.

They entwined their stories, built on them. The tales were completing each other, complementing each other; when one of them wavered, the other took his turn, jumping in where the other had left off. They could barely distinguish between what they were doing and what the other was. Together, they rediscovered the meaning of compassion, of harmony, of beauty, of balance.

And the crystals seemed to answer. They shimmered, warmed over; their wailing subsided and they started vibrating, more and more strongly, their light growing brighter and brighter.

Cal realised what would happen a fraction of a second before it did. He took his hands off the crystals as if they'd been burnt, yanked Luke away with a shout of warning as he threw the both of them on the ground.

There was a loud bang, a thousand little bells ringing and laughing, so loud Cal flinched and had to cover his ears. Then the world grew dark again, or rather, red; but it was only because he'd closed his eyes.

When the ringing in his ears subsided, he could hear a faint, peaceful, joyful song.

He opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was Luke's face; the younger man seemed just as bewildered as he was. They blinked, disoriented, and looked around.

Where the red crystals had been now stood a wreath of white and brilliantly shining kyber, sparkling with a million colours.


	8. Letting go

Luke stood, let out a laugh. He reached out a hand and brushed a few crystals with his fingertips; they flared, and Luke retracted his hand, but his grin was still on his face.

“They're warm,” he said, full of wonder.

Indeed the temperature inside the cave was much more pleasant than before. Their clothes and hair were all dried up, the cold snow and wind only a memory.

Cal smiled, overwhelmed by peace and joy. The Force came easily to him, and he wasn't sure whether it was the aftermath of the experience still staying with him, the influence of the crystals guiding him, or if he really had made a breakthrough of some sort, but he didn't let that question bear down on him. Only time would tell, anyway. He just basked in the moment and in the wonderful sensation.

On his back, Beedee bleeped joyfully, and a burst of affection flared through Cal. He'd missed him, and had feared he'd never see him again.

Next to him, Luke's supernova of a presence pulsed with enthusiasm and joy. It seemed much stronger now, and the stains on it had disappeared; but Cal supposed they were only buried, rather than disappeared.

The whole thing had changed him, he felt it. He had no doubt it must be the same for Luke.

It didn't matter for now, though. They'd deal with it when the time comes.

“Do you hear them calling?” Luke said.

He'd grown calmer all of a sudden, listening, although his happiness hadn't subsided in the least. Cal listened, too.

“I do,” he said. “I think one of them is choosing me.”

Luke threw him a surprised glance.

“Choosing you? How so?”

Cal held back his exclamation of disbelief just in time. Luke was already self-conscious enough about his less than traditional training. No need to add to it; if he wanted to build trust, Cal had to stop showing so much surprise when he asked questions about things he considered to be basic education.

It did raise the question of how Luke had built his lightsabre, if he'd never been chosen by a crystal, but he supposed that was none of his business.

“It's allowing me to take it to build a lightsabre,” Cal said. “Usually, that's the main reason why Jedi interact with kyber crystals. They feel you want to establish some kind of bond with them, and they decide to allow it.”

Luke nodded, frowning.

“How do you know?”

“It can be any amount of things,” Cal said. “They may be saying something to you, or shining brighter.”

Again Luke nodded, slowly. He seemed distracted by something.

“I think I see what you mean... I've got one calling me, too.”

He hesitated.

“I've never had a kyber crystal choose me before. I found mine in my old mentor's stuff. But I didn't come here to get a new one...”

He trailed off and stood there, still reluctant.

“If it calls you, it's giving you permission to take it,” Cal supplied. “You aren't doing anything wrong.”

Luke looked around for a second, then nodded and stepped forward, suddenly more decided. He touched one of the crystals delicately; it shone a bit more brilliantly than the rest, then Luke took it and pocketed it.

“If you're ready, we can go back,” Cal said. “I don't know how much time has passed, but I'd rather not climb down when it's night.”

“You're not taking yours?” Luke asked.

Cal hesitated, considering it. He remembered his previous ordeal on Ilum, everything he'd gone through that had led up to that; he remembered the visions on Dathomir, his breakdown, Beedee coming to help him out of it. He set his hand on his lightsabre.

“I don't need another kyber crystal,” he answered. “I have everything I need.”

The climb down, strangely, seemed much easier than the climb up. Both wind and snow had abated; the air was still cold, but the sun was shining, illuminating the frost in a similar way as the white crystals had shimmered in the cave.

However, the silence as they walked back to the refugees' cave was tense. During the whole trip, they barely exchanged ten words, all of them painful imitation of casual small talk. On Cal's back, Beedee tried to lighten the mood, but all his attempts fell flat.

Luke was the most affected, Cal was pretty sure, but he couldn't say he didn't feel it, too. What had happened in their shared vision had allowed him to understand Luke much better, all his struggles and his pain, and he knew it was true the other way around, too.

Truth be told, it was somewhat embarrassing.

During the vision with the crystals, Cal had disclosed things he had never told _anybody,_ not even Cere or Beedee. He had opened himself to the Force and let himself be seen more deeply than he ever had, all his scars, all his trauma, all his wounds... and while sentient, Force-infused crystals were one thing, the fact was that Luke had been there, too.

It must be even worse for him, Cal thought. Luke was a very... private person. Ever since meeting him, Cal had been impressed and envious of his calm, of his unreal control.

He supposed unreal was a pretty good term for it, considering this whole thing had made it clear to him just how much of his emotions Luke buried and hid from the world. The vision had completely changed the view he had of the young man, although not in a bad way at all.

But Luke seemed to know it, if the way he kept avoiding his gaze was any indication.

Cal didn't know how to breach the subject in any way that wouldn't be awkward, especially considering he was also feeling somewhat uncomfortable with how much of his own vulnerabilities he had shared.

So they kept walking in uneasy silence until they reached Bey'Serth and the Disciples' cave again. Just as they arrived, they found her coming out of it. She opened wide arms towards them.

“You have returned!” she exclaimed. “You have succeeded.”

Luke and Cal exchanged a glance, then a tentative smile.

“Yes! Yes, you have. I didn't think it possible, and yet,” she continued, her grin wide, nearly as brilliant as the crystals' laugh. She took a deep breath. “We all could feel the shift. Surely you can feel it too, the rightfulness in the air, the peace and the relief all around us?”

The both of them nodded, smiling. This time, there was no mistaking it. The Force was still silent, still subdued, as there wasn't much life on the desert planet, but it was content.

“Come now,” Bey'Serth ushered them inside. “You must be famished.”

Just as she said it, Cal realised the pangs of hunger that constricted his stomach.

Bey'Serth laughed again.

“Typical of young Jedi. So entrenched in the Force, they forget their physical bodies. They're just as important, you know!”

“We were... busy,” Cal answered, not knowing very well how to explain the incredible experience they'd just had. A thought occurred to him. “How long have we been gone?”

Bey'Serth exchanged a glance with him, her eyes deeper than he remembered.

“About a week,” she said.

Cal and Luke both gaped. She only smiled.

“You don't grasp the scale of what you have achieved. It couldn't have happened overnight. Come, now. Share our dinner again.”

So they did. There was laughter and dance happening, this time, but they just sat down on a bench, too tired and hungry to participate in festivities. Some people came to congratulate and thank them, and talk about the Force; the little girl that had recognised their lightsabres earlier came closer, stars in her eyes, trying to get stories out of them. They indulged her as much as they could in their exhaustion.

The morning after, as they were about to leave back to their ship, Bey'Serth came to accompany them to the entrance of their cave.

“Tell your leader to call us again,” she told Luke. “Now that the land is healed, we would be much more interested in these offers of help for reconstruction. Maybe there is hope for Jedha, after all.”

Luke beamed at that. He bowed deeply.

“I will make sure to pass on the message, and am very glad to hear it.”

Bey'Serth huffed with a smile.

“Thank you very much for your hospitality and your openness,” Cal chimed in. “It has been a pleasure to meet you.”

She turned towards him, her eyes sparkling.

“Likewise, young Jedi. The galaxy is lucky to have you in it.”

The compliment warmed him inside, and he was reminded of the impression he'd had after retrieving his lightsabre from her.

They bowed again, shook hands, then departed to their ship and took off, keenly feeling the new peace of the atmosphere all along.

Only once they were in hyperspace did Cal think about addressing the awkwardness between them again.

Luke was absently looking at his crystal, turning it over and over to see the way its transparent sides trapped the light inside it. Cal spun a bit in his seat to face him, biting his lip, wondering how to address the subject.

Only for Luke to raise his head and look at him.

“I'm sorry for what happened,” he blurted out before ducking his head, still fiddling with the crystal. “I shouldn't have... I didn't expect... Anyway. I'm not going to bother you any more from now on.”

“What?” Cal frowned, confused. “What are you apologising for?”

Luke ran a hand in his hair, made a vague gesture, then deflated and sighed.

“I know I'm not the Jedi I should be,” Luke muttered, and Cal understood at last. “I nearly dragged you down with me there, I know it –”

“Luke,” Cal interrupted him. “Stop this.”

Mercifully, Luke stopped talking, but he didn't look back up at Cal, just bit on his lip.

“What happened, that was the dark side talking. I fell prey to it too, you know. I'm surprised you didn't notice.”

Luke threw him a surprised glance, then looked away again.

“I did notice,” he confessed. “I just... I didn't think it was that bad. I nearly... you kept wanting to save the crystals, and I didn't believe in it, I didn't believe it could be done...”

He trailed off. Cal desperately wanted to answer him, but no words came. He didn't know how to deal with this.

With a beep, Beedee came to their rescue. He jumped off Cal's back and came to stand in front of Luke, poking his hand with his leg. Luke let out a strangled laugh.

“He's saying you did it, and you even have the proof there.”

“I know,” Luke said, wiping at his eyes. “I understand him.”

Cal's heart went out to him. Seeing the two of them reminded him of another moment like this, where he had been the one helpless and despairing, and Beedee had come to cheer him up.

“Failure is not the end,” he murmured. “There's always a path forward. And what am I saying? We _didn't_ fail! We succeeded, we saved these crystals!”

“Thanks to you,” Luke retorted.

“No, that was teamwork.”

Luke didn't seem all that convinced, but he tried to put on a smile, blinked to try and stop the tears.

Cal would have none of it. Not after all they've been through, not after what he'd seen of him.

“Hey, don't do this to yourself.” He swallowed, tried to find a gentler tone again. Cere's face came to his mind, on a day he was feeling very similarly. “Luke, have your teachers ever told you what is the first quality of a Jedi?”

Luke looked at him, his eyes still red. He pursed his lips, looked down, shook his head.

“Compassion,” Cal said. “But not just for others. For yourself, too.”

He took a deep breath, not sure if he wasn't messing this up spectacularly. But Luke was looking too distraught for him to simply stay quiet. “That vision... that wasn't pleasant. The dark side never is. Believe me, I had my fair share of it.”

“Me too,” Luke quietly laughed. “Me too.”

Cal was reminded again that this was the man who had destroyed two Death Stars and just as many Sith Lords, brought upon the end of a whole Empire, and he felt spectacularly inadequate.

But it didn't matter, he realised. For all his feats, Luke was, most importantly, a young man who was hurting. Cal also recalled the thoughts he'd heard next to the crystals.

For the first time, Cal wondered what his victories had cost him.

“You're an extraordinary Jedi,” he continued. “More than I can articulate. What happened there, what the dark side tries to push you to do... it doesn't matter. Not as long as you don't act on it. It only has the power you let it have on you. So you need to let it go and move on.”

Luke nodded, mouthing “compassion” as if he was trying to grasp the concept, looking a little awestruck, deep in thought. Cal didn't know what was happening in his mind, but it didn't matter. He seemed a little less despondent already.

“And you also need to stop treating me like your master,” he mumbled. “I was thirteen when the purge happened. I'd just become a Padawan.”

Luke let out a startled laughter, looking at him like an owl taken in a lamplight.

“You've still got years of training on me, though.”

“And then I hid like a coward for twenty more years while you were out there fighting,” Cal retorted, before realising what he was doing was completely unproductive. Comparison of their faults and failures wasn't going to help them here. “Listen, it doesn't matter. What matters is that we're in this together. With our strengths and our weaknesses, but we're a team. Right?”

A tiny smile crept on the corner of Luke's lips, small but much more sincere than anything he had attempted since their return from the cave.

“Sure,” he replied.

Beedee trilled again, nudging Luke again, who laughed and patted him on his head. Cal relaxed, smiling too as he watched them.

Yes, they were a team. No matter what happened to them, they could overcome it. Cal was sure of it, and the Force seemed to agree, too.

He leant back in his seat and let himself enjoy the trip back home.


End file.
